Hawaii Wedding Officiant Survival Guide

Aloha, welcome back to the Super Fresh Hawaii Wedding Podcast. My name is Nate Burgoyne with the Frobaby Productions DJ Team. Today’s episode is the Hawaii Wedding Officiant Survival Guide.

I’m going to share with you some survival tips for wedding officiants in Hawaii. This could be for people that are professional officiants and might need a little refresher or want some insights from a DJ perspective on what makes a great wedding ceremony take place. This is also essential stuff for anyone who might be a first time officiant.

Here in Hawaii, it is very common for a family member, a friend or a parent or an uncle or some other person who’s never officiated a wedding before to register online or whatever they have to do. I have no idea, but then they’re going to officiate this wedding.

This episode is going to cover a lot of things that you should definitely share with that person. In fact, just share this episode with whoever’s going to be officiating your wedding and then you’ll know that they’ve got all their bases covered and have thought about a lot of things that maybe you haven’t thought about or they for sure haven’t thought about, but that we see all the time as DJs.

In most cases were actually doing the sound were providing the microphones were doing the music, or were supporting the live musicians.

Frobaby Productions,

Good. How are you?

Nate Burgoyne (01:21)
Okay, I’m back. Quick phone call with the bride. So that was awesome. That’s a good reason to interrupt the podcast. All right. So let’s see, where were we?

jumping back into it. So today we’re talking about the wedding officiant survival guide, Hawaii wedding officiant survival guide. And I’m just going to run through a bunch of stuff. I hope it’s in an order that makes sense, that is going to really benefit officiants. First of all, especially if you’re an officiant who’s a friend or family, just know you’re going to do great. Okay. The couple has picked you for a reason

and you’re going to do awesome. So just be yourself, be relaxed. Couples, if you’re trying to decide who could be a possible officiant for your wedding, pick someone who’s got a great personality, who’s going to be relaxed and, honestly, who’s not going to make it about them. So that’s my first tip, especially for new officiants, officiants who might be friends of the family. Just know that this ceremony is about the couple.

It’s not a toast. It’s not a speech. It seems awkward when officiants share kind of like in the ceremony, how they met the couple, their relationship with the couple.

That tends to snowball into a ceremony that’s more about the officiant than the couple. We had one wedding where they were like, I met the groom, for example, and he had this really bad car, but I liked the car. And I was like, man, I don’t know if I can like this person.

but he turned out to be a great guy and here he is getting married to this beautiful person And, I met her as well. It’s so weird because it’s not about you and your relationship to the couple. I think it’s nice. You know, people are wondering like who are you? Sure, you can mention I’m a friend. I’m honored to be officiating the wedding, but any kind of dialogue about your back history with them.

in my opinion, should be saved for this toast and speeches later because it’s not about you. It’s about them.

Also, along those lines, I would recommend not springing anything unexpected on them. And this goes for both professional officiants and family friend officiants, non-professional officiants. Don’t spring anything unexpected. Or if you do, make sure they’re going to be okay with it. Two things jump into my mind. Two situations that kind of jump into my mind were super awkward.

from what we’re seeing off on the sidelines. One of them was the officiant had something that he wanted to give to the couple and he wanted them to wear it. So, they wore it around their neck and it was like hanging down and it didn’t match the wedding dress. It didn’t much match the tuxedo. It was sort of an inside joke but

I kind of got this vibe. I was kind of perceiving this vibe like that. It was a little awkward for that couple because they didn’t really want to say, no, we don’t want to wear this in our pictures. And at the same time, they wanted to accommodate the thoughtfulness of the officiant. So just to avoid any kind of awkward situations like that, I would say don’t spring anything too unexpected on the couple, especially if it’s something that they’re going to be wearing.

or that’s going to infringe on photos. The other thing to be sensitive to is the cultural background of that couple. If you’re going to do something unexpected, make sure that that’s in line with something that they’re going to be comfortable doing.

It wasn’t too long ago that we’re doing the sound for a ceremony where there was a professional officiant and we had the script. This was a very calculated wedding They wanted everything done perfectly they had scripts printed out we had a copy of the script for the wedding ceremony itself and

we noticed when the officiant started varying from that script because it started going a direction that I knew was going to be uncomfortable for the couple In the culture of this couple, their cultural background showing affection is not something that’s culturally accepted. It’s just not something that you do.

The officiant strayed from the script and had them do a Hawaiian cultural kiss that was really, really uncomfortable for them and the people watching. It’s called the honi And that’s where you put your forehead to the person that you’re greeting. You put your foreheads and noses. They meet each other and you and you hold that position. He had them put their arms around each other’s waist.

And in Hawaiian culture, you breathing in each other’s breath. And it’s a very sacred, special thing. But if you come from a culture where you don’t hold hands, you don’t walk together with your spouse, then having them assume a position like that in front of all of their friends and family on their wedding day was super awkward. Really, really awkward.

It was so weird. Guests were kind of like looking away. It was so awkward. So please, you know, it’s the wedding ceremony. Stick with the program, whether you’re a professional, officiant or not. don’t spring anything too unexpected on them. And if you do, because that’s kind of the nature of who you are and it’s going to work well, just. you know, don’t push the envelope too far. It’s their wedding ceremony.

There’ll be plenty of time for joking and good times later on.

Another thing to do is have a conversation with the couple about what they would like done in the case of the unexpected. So let’s suppose there’s a delay and the ceremony is starting a half hour later than the couple prefer that you carry through the whole ceremony that was planned or would they like you to sort of compress that down and truncate it a little bit?

Make it go a little bit quicker so they can get to cocktail hour. It’s a good conversation to have with them about that ahead of time. Likewise in the case of rain. Hawaii gets rain sometimes I found in my experience that the heavens actually really smile on weddings and a lot of times it’s raining and then it clears up right in time for the ceremony but sometimes the rain comes down and it’s a good old time when that does okay. But,

it would be good for you to have a conversation with the couple ahead of time. Hey, if it rains, would you like me to just keep officiating straight through the rain? Or if it’s pouring really heavy, do want us to stop and move the ceremony under the tent or something like that? That’s a good conversation to have with them. In most cases, pretty much every case that I’ve seen the they’ve just

powered right through the ceremony in the rain, rain or shine, get it done. But it’s good to have that conversation with a couple so everybody knows what the protocol is in the event of a little sun shower.

Likewise, what’s the protocol if it’s super windy? The veil might be blowing here and there if the wind shifts. And then if you have a super long veil or train and that’s kind of like blowing all over the place, it’s good to talk that through ahead of time. What’s the protocol for that? Is the maid of honor going to take the veil off and kind of tuck it away? Is she going to go tuck it somewhere else so it’s not blowing so much? Just kind of like have those conversations, ahead of time so that

in the event of the unexpected for the super windy day, everybody knows what to

Nate (08:44)
Also, remember this, when the bride walks down the aisle, usually everybody stands up. Remember to have everybody sit down after the bride gets to the altar or the arch or whatever’s in the front for the ceremony. Make sure they sit down. Let them sit down. There have been several weddings where everybody came

and the officiant just jumped right into the ceremony. The officiant was excited nervous, the whole thing, and everyone’s still standing just waiting to sit down, but they’re not just gonna sit down, because if you’re in the back and then you sit down, you can’t see what’s going on in the front. If you’re in the front, you’re not gonna sit down because it might be rude. You’re like sitting down when you’re not supposed to. So everyone’s like standing up forever. We even had…

everyone standing for pretty much the entirety of the whole ceremony And grandma’s sweating and getting dizzy and people’s knees are locking and they’re swaying and Just write it in your notes “Tell everybody to sit down.” Put it in the notes so everybody can sit down and relax when the ceremony starts?

Nate Burgoyne (09:52)
Now let’s talk about the actual physical logistics of the ceremony. First of all, check in with the DJ. When you get there, go check in with the DJ, Find out how the microphone works; find out how things are gonna be mic’d. Are they gonna be putting a lavalier mic on you, or are you gonna be using a handheld mic? Are you gonna hold it, are you gonna put on a stand? Usually the DJ has a lot of options. Typically ahead of time,

the DJ has already planned with a couple if they’re doing lavalier mics or a mic on a stand. So, that’s something that they’re probably already preset for. But check in with them and find out what that how that works. Find out how that mic works. So, you know, is there a place you’re going to accidentally click it on or click it off if you take it off the stand or if you’re holding it. If you do click it off, how do you recognize if it’s off? How do you recognize if it’s turned back on? Can the DJ just put a piece of tape over the

switch so you don’t accidentally turn it off or something like that. Talk with them about how that’s going to work. With that, you’re the officiant and you’re up there. You are in charge of that microphone. So even if it’s on a stand or if you’re if you’re holding it, you’re in charge of making sure that those mics work. So if the mic stand is a little too short for you, adjust it, bring it up.

If the mic is too far away from you, bring it to you. Step up to the mic so that you can speak into it. If the couple comes up and they’re standing too far away from the microphone, ring them in. Say, hey, could you just invite them to take two steps closer in so that everybody can hear the microphone. Every microphone works a little bit differently. We have a very special way that we do we mic ceremonies. We have a special custom built microphone that picks them up.

great. It looks awesome, but it doesn’t function the way that a normal mic would work. It just functions better for that particular purpose. So talk with the DJ, take control of the mic situation. If you find yourself with a microphone that’s not picking up the voices of the bride and the groom, take the liberty to take that mic and hold it kind of to the side of their mouth so that the microphone can pick up their voice

and everyone can hear that exchange of vows. You have full control over that situation. The DJ isn’t going to come out into the wedding ceremony and pick up the mic stand and bring it closer to you because you’re standing too far back from it. So get up there, get comfortable, know how that works. Maybe practice moving the mic around before the ceremony, practice taking it off and putting it back on the mic; practice adjusting the mic stand. Do all those things that you need to do to make you feel comfortable,

so that when you are officiating and you’re doing the ceremony that you are comfortable making those adjustments that need to be made to be sure that everything sounds great.

Another way to get the little jitters out is to step up to the mic when everyone’s coming and sitting down and just greeting them, Unless you’re walking with the wedding party, which sometimes is the case, but more often than not, the officiant’s already preset at the step up to the mic and make a quick announcement. Hey, welcome everybody. Find a seat. Please save the first two rows for immediate family for the wedding party and whatnot.

so you can hear your voice through the mic. You’ll know it’s working, you’ll feel nice and relaxed.

And you won’t have to worry about if it’s working. You won’t feel like you need to do the tap, tap, tap on the microphone. Don’t do that. Please don’t tap the microphone. Don’t do the, is this on? Like, no, don’t do that. The DJ is there. He’s got it. He’s probably going to have it on mute where he’s at because he doesn’t want to pick up your side conversations with people in the front row. So that’s another thing to chat about with the DJ.

The DJ is going to let you know, hey, the mic’s always going to be on. So, when the groom steps up first, any side conversations that you have with the groom are going to be picked up through the microphone. So just be aware of that. Or maybe the DJ lets you know, hey, I’m going to mute it down when it’s time. Just, you know, look my way. Then I’ll unmute it and get you going.

The final thing that I would say is coordinate with the DJ about how you’re going to end the ceremony. What are the last few things that you’re going to say? I always go to the officiants when I’m doing the sound for ceremony and I talk with them. But if the DJ doesn’t come to talk with you, go to the DJ and let them know how you’re going to end the ceremony.

Are you going to have them kiss as a couple and then pronounce their names and then have them exit? That’s going to help the DJ know when to start that exit music. So DJ doesn’t want to start that too early if you still have things to say. We also want to avoid the situation where the ceremony is over and the couple is starting to exit

but the DJ hasn’t started the music yet. So have that conversation with the DJ ahead of time. I find that it works really smooth for weddings where they finish the ceremony, the couple kisses, boom, start the music during the kiss, kind of low, bring it up and then bring it down just as the officiant makes the second announcement, which is where they just announced them as a couple with their names and then they exit. So that’s what I would

recommend that works really well. But it’s good if you have that quick conversation with the DJ ahead of time so that you know that the DJ is going to start the music at the kiss. It’s going to be going, but you can go ahead and make the announcement of their names over that music because the DJ will kind of bring it down a little through that announcement and then bring it back up again. So you’re not waiting for the DJ. You don’t think something is wrong. Like he started the music too.

early. I was expecting it later. The DJ is not waiting for you to make the announcement while you’re waiting for the DJ to cut off the music. You just had that conversation ahead of time so that that ceremony exit goes super smooth and has all the energy that the couple has been hoping for.

That’s what I’ve got. That’s what comes to mind today. And that’s what I’m going to share with you for this Hawaii Wedding Officiant Survival Guide. I’m sure I’ll come up with more things that will share in more detail in a future episode. On that note, please be sure to subscribe to this podcast or this video podcast. I don’t know. We’re putting this on YouTube. We’re putting it on Spotify. Just subscribe so you can get notified of all the new things that are going to be coming out.

Of course, you can visit us online at superfreshpodcast.com. And if you want to learn more about the Frobaby Productions DJ team, you can visit us online at frobabyproductions.com.

My name’s Nate Burgoyne it’s been a pleasure talking wedding ceremonies with you and I will check in with you next time. Peace.